Tuesday, August 27, 2013

Toxic



This post is about toxic people, aka the toxic waste you should remove immediately from your life.

Most of the time, you’re able to tell who’s toxic and who’s not.

A toxic person is someone who doesn’t make you feel good about yourself. He / she / it (in fact, I’m going to start referring to toxic people as ‘Its’ because they certainly don’t behave very human sometimes) will question you, bring your self worth down, make you feel small, etc.

Now, don’t be mistaken. Sometimes people in your life will do that – questioning your decisions, grilling you see if you’re making the right choice. Some of these people really mean well, and some are older than you, and have done it before, and are trying to lead you to the right direction. Sometimes, it’s pretty easy to mistake people who question you as toxic people. If you’re questioning me so much and asking me so much nonsense and making me feel like I’m an idiot, aren’t you then a toxic person?

Not necessarily.

Here’s what a toxic person is to me.

It’s always comparing. Better job? Better salary? Better partner? Better grades? As long as there’s something to compare, there’s something to be better at!

A little competition is healthy, but not when it’s all the time. That’s just not fun then.

I have to say, I am quite lucky because I actually don’t have any toxic people at work who do this, but I certainly have encountered these types of characters before.

It belittles you, and when you show signs of wanting to grow it stops and impedes you.

What do I mean here? I mean when for instance you want to take up a new skill or do something new. Maybe you’re bored. Maybe you want to improve yourself. Whatever the reasons, learning something new is always a good thing. (Ok, a bit dependant on what exactly it is you’re planning on learning, but that’s a story for another day). “Why are you doing this? You’ll never get anywhere. You’re just wasting your time!”

Seriously. I rather waste my time doing something new, and learning something new and failing miserably at it rather than listen to your drivel. Save it, and go fix your own life before you attempt to fix mine.

It doesn’t listen to you.

Enough said. Your’e not heard. You explain yourself, but it doesn’t hear you. It’s absorbed in its own world, convinced in its own supremacy and right that it’s the smartest thing alive. It’s a know-it-all, and honestly, this gets really annoying after a while. Also, being with someone who doesn’t listen to you is not going to be good for you in the long run. You’ll start feeling frustrated as to why you’re never heard, and then you start wondering what’s wrong with yourself.

It’s not there for you

This one is really about friends. There are some good friends that are reliable and will always be there for you. This one, will always put its own needs first. And when you really need it, it won’t be there.

I have learned this the hard way.

Anyway, this post isn’t meant to bash toxic people. Heck, most of the time these toxic people probably don’t realize they’re being toxic, and sometimes they’ve become toxic because the environment around them is toxic. It’s not so much about them, but it’s about you.

I will be honest. I think I have also been a toxic person before. I used to be extremely self absorbed. Ok, I’m trying to be less self absorbed now. It takes practice, so be patient.

The point is, half the time, people don’t realize they’re being insensitive or making you feel bad. And instead of beating themselves (or yourself) up about it, it’s better to just make the decision to remove or phase them out of your life. It’s not about having a big quarrel – “Hey you big toxic bitch, GTFO out of my life!” – no. No. This is not what it is about. Also sometimes, I have discovered toxic people become less toxic over time (when you meet them again after a while). So, tempting as it is, don’t burn bridges.

But you be selfish. You should know who you should keep in your life. Keep people who bring value add to your life. By this I do not mean now you should only keep rich people in your life. No. (Handy, yes. But no). Keep people who enrich your life. People who make you laugh. People who inspire you. Who make you grow. Who make you think. Who are there for you.

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