Sunday, January 19, 2014

Shaming

Skinny shaming, fat shaming, whatever you call it, it's still shaming.

"Don't you think you're too fat to pull that off?"
"Your thighs are too chunky for that skirt."
"Real men like women with curves. Only dogs like bones."
"You look like a stick."

I'm so sick of this. I don't care whether you're skinny or fat, or if I were to be more politically correct, slim or healthy, whatever. It doesn't give you the right to shame someone else just because you don't feel good about yourself. Or because you've been shamed before. It's going to be an endless cycle and it will be a cycle that's never going to end. Your grandma has probably been shamed before, your mom, you, your kid, your grandkid, and hey, probably in the year 3000 shaming will probably still be going on, although in a much more advanced and technological way.

I've always been thin. It's just my metabolisme.

I'm happy with my body, yes. It's mine and I think it's perfect! A lot of people disagree and think it's highly imperfect, but I think they should stuff themselves a big rotten eggs up in their rotten mouths.

The amount of people that come up to me telling me how I should change it is not only incredible, it's also constant.

"Are you aneroxic?" used to be the #1 question when I was younger (and thinner).
"i really don't like girls who are so skinny. I like something to hold onto when I cuddle someone," (common thing being told to me by guys. And this is without me asking.)
"You are just too skinny! Put on some weight!"
(Why is it okay, to tell someone she's skinny and needs to eat more, when it's rude to tell someone that she's fat and needs to eat less? Why? Why? WHY?)
"You're so flat! You're like a boy!" (this is something I've been hearing since I was 13. And, um, hehe, I haven't really grown in that department, so you can imagine I'm still constantly hearing it. I'm 28 this year, so wow, 15 years of being told I'm flat. Allow me to YAWN in your face, it's very boring to hear the same thing 15 years. And...do you think my telling me I'm flat I'm going to increase a cup size? Sheesh if that were to happen my boobs would be bigger than Singapore. Also, its both boys and girls that like to comment on this, it's not just boy specific as you might expect.

Anyway, I put on a little bit more weight two years ago, when I was feeling not too happy and I decided that food would be my new BFF, since it would be there always and not disappoint me. While I was still under the 'normal' range of body type, the comments then changed because I was no longer 'skinny skinny' but just 'normal'.

Nobody was telling me I was skinny or thin anymore. Instead, my guy friends were always ogling skinnier girls, going on about how hot they looked.

Huh? Why is it when I'm skinny it's a bad thing, but when other people are skinny it's a good thing? Why must I eat more?

Some people also encouraged me to start exercising if I wanted to lose weight. Or to eat less carbs. Wait, you used to tell me to eat more, and now I eat less? When can I eat normally?

Let me give you perspective. I'm 163cm in height. When I was 21, I weighed 41 kgs. 23, 43 kgs. 26 - 54 kgs. (You can tell when I started eating, hehe). Now, I'm 45kgs. (I got pneumonia and lost a lot of weight then.)

So let me get this straight, at 163cm, being 54kgs, you're telling me to exercise.

I then realized, no matter what spectrum you're at - skinny, normal, fat, it's never going to be enough. If you're skinny, people are going to call you flat and ask you where your boobs are. The amount of times guys tell me, 'har har, I must have bigger boobs than you,' is uncountable. And to those donkeys that used to tell me that, it's true. You do have bigger boobs. And it's not really a good look for a guy. What are you laughing at, O Booby Male??

If you're in the middle - then you're either going to be told to lose weight to be skinny, or to put on more to get bigger boobs.

If you're on the bigger scale of things, then people are going to be mean and call you a whale or elephant and always tell you to exercise or eat less.

The point is, there's no pleasing anyone. And I think we need to stop this kind of stupid behaviour. The first thing is we need to stop bashing different body types.

I personally do like the skinny Kate Moss, Twiggy sort of style. But I also think that Marilyn Monroe's body is ridiculously sexy. And honestly, if you're a bigger girl, and you're happy and you love yourself and you think you're sexy as hell, then you are. It's all in the mind.

I'm taking a stand today. No more shaming. If you're skinny, if you're in between, if you're bigger, JUST BE HAPPY WITH YOURSELF.

I'm not going to be cliched and tell you everyone is beautiful - because that would be a lie. Everyone is really not beautiful. There are some really ugly shitbags out there, and especially when you have a shitbag heart, it's going to come out of your shitbag face. But the perspective of beauty is skewed, and subjective. Different types appeal to different people. Some guys like skinny, some guys like curvy. Some guys like tall, some guys like short. It's just the way it is - why do we make such a big deal out of it, and have women feeling so shitty about themselves?

Embrace yourself. But, equally importantly, embrace others too.

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