Sunday, March 9, 2014

Relapse

Shopping is an addiction, just like alcoholism is.

When I got onto the minimalism bandwagon 9 months ago, I threw out a lot of things in a frenzy. Fast forward 9 months, I'm now living with a quarter of my previous wardrobe and I have a lot less stuff.

BUT.

I totally relapsed the other day.

It was like being a recovering alcoholic, thinking that just one drink wouldn't hurt...and then waking up and discovering you've polished off a bottle by yourself.

That was me this weekend.

My mom came over last weekend, and I thought it would be nice to show her around a lot of flea markets in Singapore. I knew those places but I had never really ventured in properly before, so I thought it would be nice to kill two birds with one stone.

And..I bought a lot of stuff.

On a side note, I'm allowed to wear my contact lenses again. It's difficult to explain and sounds so vain, shallow and silly (it probably is) but I feel ridiculously ugly in my glasses. For the past 6 months, I didn't feel like dressing up or buying anything new because I felt so ugly anyway.

After I went to my eye doctor and he gave me the green light to start wearing contact lenses again, I suddenly perked up and the urge to buy new clothes and feel good about myself again was very strong.

I confess.

I bought five pairs of shoes.
5 dresses.
A T-shirt.
A skirt.
A teapot. (Well, I need one.)
Some..unmentionables.

Then..to top if off, I was very indulgent with myself and went for a mani-pedi. Technically, you could say this is okay because it's not an item I'm buying, but I then felt guilty because I'd spent so much money in a lump sum of totally useless things.

I have to admit, doing my nails made me feel quite good though, so I wouldn't say that was totally useless.

I got home and I felt so guilty. I stared at all my new things - I really bought them all on a whim, there was nothing I needed (except the teapot. And, you could argue I could use my mugs and forget the teapot).

In an attempt to try to ease the guilt, I went and decluttered some stuff in my wardrobe - although I do feel that this is missing the point. The point is not to declutter to make space for new stuff. It's not to throw things out just because I'm feeling guilty. I know it's okay to buy stuff, and it doesn't mean that you have to totally swear off buying stuff - but, in my heart of hearts, I know I caved in and bought all those things out of a sudden mad rush of consumerism that overtook me.

So, I have to start again. Which is okay, because we all make mistakes.

I do realize a pattern though.

When I was being very minimalist, I was very aware of what I was spending and I saved a lot more. I also thought a lot more carefully about how much to spend, and whether something was worth it or not.

However, once I started my buying spree, I became a little bit more careless. The money didn't make such a dent anymore. I didn't think too much. All I could think of was - I WANT IT, IT LOOKS CUTE, AND MY LEGS LOOK GOOD IN IT.

Decluttering is really a never ending process though. It's amazing how stuff always creeps up on you - and how you can declutter every week and it still never seems to finish! Okay, I know it especially won't finish if I keep buying new crap, but it's just amazing how little piles of clutter really add up.

Onto a new week, with less things!



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