Saturday, March 22, 2014

Tiny

I've had a pretty tiring week.

Work ended every day at around 8pm to 11pm. Meetings were jammed back to back. As usual, the ton of emails that come storming into my inbox every morning didn't stop. There was a big meeting with the head of my company, which we spent hours and days prepping for.

I was pretty relieved for the weekend to come, despite having brought my laptop home. The plan was to work all weekend on my slides, because next week was going to be an even crazier week - we have a huge upcoming meeting in Hong Kong, so everyone's prepping for that.

Complain, complain, complain.

Then I got home, and lay down on a deck chair by the pool. It was dark, and I watched the clouds roll by lazily - dark, grey tufts against the black sky.

There's something about looking at the sky which makes you realize how small and inconsequential you are. You have all these thoughts rolling in your head, bogging you down, and then you look up into the sky and realize you're only a tiny speck in the universe.

I'm determined to be a tiny speck that makes a difference, nonetheless. 

But in the bigger scheme of things - do these things matter? Will I remember, five years from now, how I fretted and worried about meetings?

I won't, just like how I used to worry and fret about things when I first started working. I don't remember the pain - rather, I have a general idea of the pain, but I don't remember the specificities of it anymore. 

Sometimes we think we had a bad day, or a shit day, and then you realize how good you have it. The whole disappearance of MH370 is terrible. People tell me to stop hoping, but I am still hoping that somehow the passengers are marooned on an island somewhere, safe. I can't imagine the trauma and pain the families and loved ones are going through - the agony of not knowing. What are my little problems compared to these real problems?

I am a little dot in the universe, but I don't want to be trapped in my own little universe of problems. 

I want to live a life worth living. 

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