Sunday, May 18, 2014

Is It Wrong to Enjoy Too Much Alone Time?

I spent most of the weekend lying in bed, completely passed out because I caught a cold. It’s probably a combination of factors – the travel, the damned air-conditioning, the schedule, and, ta-dah, it’s flu season!

So living alone does have its downsides – especially when you’re sick. There’s no one to feed you porridge. You have to get up and make your own porridge. I spent about 20 hours in bed on Friday, and by another 15 hours in bed on Saturday. I was feeling a little better on Saturday so I did manage to get out of bed for a quick coffee and dinner with a friend, and now, here I am, Sunday stretching out lazily before me.

Here’s the thing I was wondering, as I was lolling in bed. I’ve been awake for two hours and still haven’t left my bed. Whether it’s because my head genuinely hurts or I’m just being pure lazy, I’m not sure.

I genuinely enjoy being alone. In fact, I’m a little worried I’ve started enjoying being alone a little bit too much. I think this does have something to do with moving to a new environment, quitting Facebook and Instagram, and changing my old number. I’ve effectively turned myself into a hermit, and I’m not sure consciously or subconsciously, am avoiding interaction with people.

Don’t get me wrong. There are a lot of people I really like, and I’d make the effort to go out with, especially if they’re in town. Honestly, if you really like people, it won’t be an effort to go out with them. It’s only shitheads that you’re obligated to go out with (although I’ve learned to stop feeling obligated and started saying no very unapologetically) is when you have to make a big old diddly effort.

Am I just tired, in general? Is that why I really prefer spacing out on weekends with my TV and laptop than with people? I just find being with people rather draining, and I seem to be in a very bear-like mode of needing constant hibernation. The girl I was a year ago is very different from the one I am today. I was always out, I had plans for every meal, I was constantly on Facebook and Instagram. Today, I’m always home, I sometimes make specific appointments with myself (yes, myself) so that I can eat alone and I’m no longer hooked on social media.

While being alone and having a quiet time is a refreshing change, I wonder if it is a necessarily good thing. Whilst I think it’s good I don’t have to depend on other people in order to be happy (to a degree), I think that it could possibly enrich my life if I made more effort with people.

I’m always reading Leo Babauta’s Zen Habits, and he talks about spending time to make and discover good, nourishing relationships. The only nourishing relationship I’ve been working on, is with my TV. And with Law and Order SVU, which by the way, is the best show in the planet!

Maybe I’ve had too many negative experiences with people which is what makes me space out and not want to make an effort anymore. Or maybe, I just focus too much on the negative and have let it override the positive.

My family and friends are always telling me I should go out more. This is a bit ironic, since they used to tell me I go out too much. I guess, at the end of the day, life is all just about balance.

But I think I’m going to have one final day of peace and rest, and then attack the social world tomorrow.

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